Well, nothing has changed. My life still stinks and I haven't really left my house for about 3 weeks. I have no reason to. It just seems like no one wants me around anymore. That's why I decided to go into hiding or should I say hibernation? Either way it works for me. A few people still talk to me. So , I guess that's good. At least now I know who my real friends are. I'd just rather stay locked away in my house for a while anyway. I need a break from reality. The real world stinks and I need to stay away from it for a bit longer. Of course, I know that this won't solve any of my problems. But at least it'll give me time to think. Maybe that way I can come up with a solution. Who knows? I guess only time will tell. Well, that's it from me for now.

Man, I really need to get a life! I am so bored all the time. I don't do anything anymore. If I had a job at least then I'd be getting out of the house once in a while. But unfortunately I still can't find one. Maybe I should go to the mall and see if anyone's hiring up there. It would be better than nothing, right? And that way I'd be getting some money. Anyway, I guess that's it for now.

Today is my birthday and it's not a very happy one either. No one even cares about me. I'm still very depressed, Patrick still hates me, and I want to die. But oh well. I guess that's just the way things are going to be for me from now on. I really hate my life.

Well, my life is still miserable. Patrick is still being a jerk. He told my sister last Wednesday that he would talk to me but he never did. Now he's telling her that I gave him an attitude when I saw him last night and he doesn't want to talk to me. I don't understand why he's acting this way. I didn't even do anything at all last night. I just don't know what to do. all I want is a chance to be his friend again and he either can't or won't give me that chance. I honestly did nothing wrong this time. I don't know why he has to hate me so much. I just want to go off somewhere and die. At least then I wouldn't have to feel this way. Everybody around me says to give it time. Well, I have. It's been almost a month and he still won't talk to me. I really believe that he hates me. If he cared even a little bit and the friendship really meant as much as he says it does then he wouldn't be acting like such a child over this whole thing. I don't know what to do anymore. I swear I'm going to kill myself.

Well, I went to a job interview today. It seemed to go pretty well. This particular daycare center is huge. There's 3 buildings! I hope I get this job because I really need one. I'm so tired of not having any money. Especially with all the bills I have to pay. It will be very good if I get this job. Maybe then my life will start getting better. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. I did a working interview. That's always a good sign. The little ones in the center were so adorable. I love working with kids. It's a lot of fun. Another good thing about me having a job is that it will help to keep my mind off of other things. I really need that. I've been so stressed out about everything lately that it's making me sick. Literally. I hate feeling this way. But like I said hopefully things are going to start getting better soon.

I saw Patrick last night and, yes, he's still ignoring me. I suppose that's to be expected though. I don't know if he's really still mad at me or not but he doesn't want to talk to me. I guess I can understand. I know deep down that he does still care. I can see it in his eyes. Even though he won't look at me. But a friend of mine says that even though I don't think he sees me he does. He said Pat looks at me whenever I'm not looking. So, that tells me that he does care. I know he does. He just pretends he doesn't. I can see right through his "tough guy" act. I've always been able to do that. He puts on this act because he doesn't like to let poeple get to know the real him. He's afraid to let poeple get too close because he's afraid of being hurt. I know that feeling all too well. Both of us have been hurt far too often in the past. But I know what he's really like. He's wonderful. At least to me. I guess that's why he means so much to me. I absolutely adore him. I am so in love with him and that's why I don't intend to give up on him. I have faith that he will come back to me. I will wait for him forever if need be. I love him that much. I only hope that he knows that. I guess he does know. But he needs more time. And hopefully when he does come back things will be better. It hurts so much to wait but I know that's what I have to do.

Well, Patrick still won't talk to me. He's being so childish about this whole situation. I just don't know what to do anymore. I guess I'm just gonna have to sit back and wait. He wants me to play by his rules so that's what I'll do. I'm just gonna stay away and give him the time and space he feels he needs. Hopefully it won't be too much time. I miss him so much. I am totally head over heals in love with him and nothing will ever change that. No matter what happens between us I will always love him. He means so much to me. I can't bare to lose him. I just wish he'd swallow his pride and come talk to me. But I know that's probably asking too much of him. But at least I know that eventually he will talk to me. I just miss laying beside him at night with his arms wrapped around me. That was the best feeling in the world to me. He always made me feel so good when I was with him. He made me happy. But now I just hurt inside and he's the only one who can take away this pain. I hate waiting. But right now it's all I can do.